The Horror

So we are pregnant with baby number five. I realize this isn’t the cutest pregnancy announcement, but some people seem pretty over it:


But, that bit of information is highly pertinent to today’s latest adventure. I say “today’s latest adventure” because everyday is FULL of adventures. Never take my blogging absence as a lack of adventures, rather, it is an indication of a surplus of adventures. On any given day we are positively lousy with adventures. Drowning in them, really.

Back to today’s story:

We are going to Florida in 27 days!! Yep, the whole crew! Off to visit my family in sunny, beachy Florida. Today was a sunny day here in Texas, and I thought I would do the Floridians a favor and only be a really big pregnant woman in a bathing suit, rather than a really really pale and also really big pregnant woman in a bathing suit. Because I care about people. Oh, and I also care about pictures. So, after a considerable amount of effort I managed to hike and fasten a two piece swimsuit -bought before I had babies- around my burgeoning body parts, then covered all exposed flesh with a blanket -I was thinking of the children- then while the kiddos played on the playset, I sprawled out on the trampoline and invited the sun to enhance my barfing-up-my-toenails pregnancy glow. As I basked in the sun like a beached whale, er… mermaid, the air was suddenly rent with the shrieks of my children.

It was terrible. Their screams were the stuff of nightmares and I sprang from the trampoline to help my darling children. Sans body covering blanket.

I watched as my son LOST HIS DANG MIND and hit his sister in the head and knocked her down, while he and she continued screaming. Finally, after we all ran a great distance, I was able to ascertain that my son saw a wasp. Saw. Was not stung. Just had a wasp have the audacity to fly within view. This child has never been stung, has never known anyone to be stung, in short, it is a very irrational fear. And there stood his crying little sister, covered in dirt and scrapes from the actual real thing that just happened to her-her cray cray brother had Tazmanian Deviled all up in her business.

So, I laid into him. Not physically, but for sure with my words. And there he stood, looking up at me with gianormous eyes that seemed to be silently begging Jesus to come take him from this moment. I’m not sure what disturbed him most:

A) the wasp.

B) the gripe out.

C) that the gripe out was coming from his pasty, pregnant mother wearing a 2 piece swim suit.


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